What Happens When You Lose Everything?
Reflecting on my conversation with Helen Chandler-Wilde: Loss, Meaning, and the Essentials of Life
Hello everyone,
This week on Air Supply, I spoke with Helen Chandler-Wilde, author of "Lost & Found." She lost all of her possessions in a storage unit fire on New Years Eve, 2018.
She had recently gone through a relationship break up, was in an unstable, stressful job and had moved back to her childhood home. Her stuff provided her with something secure. Then it was gone.
She explained, "That was my last certain thing,".
This loss wasn't just about items; it was a loss of pieces of her past, representations of her identity.
Our conversation explored the psychological reasons behind our attachment to possessions. We discussed how objects connect with our memories, how they express our values and social standing. As Helen discovered, "Your stuff is like this kind of legacy of you." This led her to examine the emotional weight we place on material goods.
We discussed the dopamine rush we get from acquiring new things, a pleasure that often leaves us empty. Helen's book, drawing on interviews with psychologists and consumer behavior experts, explains the science behind this, why we chase satisfaction.
Losing everything is a form of grief. Helen's journey highlights the lack of language and support for those who grieve the loss of possessions. We talked about processing the absence of objects that hold sentimental value, that represent milestones.
Through research and experience, Helen gained insights into the human psyche. She discovered the science of nostalgia, how brains weave memories into objects. She explored the motivations behind collecting versus hoarding, and the costs of consumer habits.
She advocates for mindful consumption, suggesting strategies like waiting before purchases and organising belongings seasonally. She emphasises understanding emotional triggers, recognising when we reach for material goods to avoid other underlying issues in our lives.
"Your objects do carry meaning and your brain deliberately weaves them in with your memories of the past. And also clinging onto the past and trying to remember the past is natural and not always bad."
What do we need? Helen stated we need connection, comfort, and life essentials. A bed, a place to gather with friends, tools for basic sustenance—these are the foundations of a fulfilling life. Everything else is superfluous.
We work so we can pay for stuff. Some things we have to buy - electricity, food, council tax etc.
Helen’s experience made me reflect that the pursuit of material possessions can create a false sense of security, a distraction from what truly matters. What truly matters is different for everyone.
Helen's emphasis on the essentials of life—connection, comfort, and basic sustenance—helped to give clarity on what really matters to me.
Perhaps it will for you, too.
Listen to the full interview on Air Supply.
You can find Helen's book, "Lost & Found," here.
You can find Helen on X (formerly Twitter) @h_chandlerwilde